HOW TO CRAP AT WORK
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We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all
kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt
something brewing down below. As much as we try to
convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is
inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work,
following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at
work.


CROP DUSTING
------------------
When farting, you walk really fast around the office so
the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a
whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful
when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been
expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell
has left your pants.

FLY BY
--------
The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping.
Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others
in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be
careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People
may become suspicious if they catch you constantly
going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE
-----------
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or
forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied
by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an
escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not
happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the
urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an
escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a
joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK
-------------
When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine
gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a
hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain
in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare
everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH
---------------------
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the
water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has
to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being
caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME
-------------------
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you
have just stunk up the bathroom.. This can be a very
uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts
you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell
does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the
COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
----------------------------------
A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it.
You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter
the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under
their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of
The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)
------------------------------------------------
A group of co-workers who band together to ensure
emergency pooping goes off without incident. This
group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out
Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS
----------------
A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building
where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are
predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the
odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR
------------------
Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall
and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most
shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when
taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall
until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all
uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH
-----------------
A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the
bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to
cover up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd
Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with
an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE
----------
A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd
Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove
all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an
Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the
pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON
----------------
A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet
water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel
a Watermelon coming on,create a diversion. See
CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANAOMELET
-------------------
A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud
splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an
Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED
-------------
A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever.
Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the
mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it
difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should
always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This
benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

_________________
Who's side are you on?

Does this really belong in the Obsidian Discussion forum? lol

_________________
People are like slinkies... basically useless

But its still fun to watch them
fall down the stairs.
-------------------------------------------------------
Whisper Hunter- Tank-Mage (sort of lmao!)(GWAR)
Saga Hellfire- GM Tamer (TLC)
Raine- GM Macefighter (KoDR)

Moved to Off-topic.

I thought this was hilarious - anyone who has pooped at work or in a private building has experienced some if not all of these.

_________________
Thassius
"Blessed are the noobs, for they shall inherit Obsidian" - Thassius

Lolz I know. GO POOPERS

_________________
Who's side are you on?

Nice avatar. You are on the SHIT OBS, eh.

LOL

_________________

It should read "Now that half the shard has quit, we are the shit. LMAO!!!!!

yet you still troll the forums LOL, your more like the dorks

_________________
king of the run on sentence.

How about you stop pretending like you know wot's going on and stop
making a fool outta yerself chips.

_________________

chips LL wrote:yet you still troll the forums LOL, your more like the dorks

I still play numbnuts. I just don't PvP anymore because it seems the in thing now is to make a tank and instead of aquiring any PvP skill just invul constantly, xheal and gank. And PvP will always be that way until we can get a better system set up. I was just simply stating that when their were good guilds active they were not the shit, they were just shit.

TRUE THAT

well I was just saying, if you play, and don't like it, why still play?, trolling is not fun on any level. why must you try and create negative attention to the shard, you said we shouldn't be responsible for bringing new players to the shard, so why should we be responsible for scaring them away?
just keep your stupid witty comments to your self, there pointless.

ps. ya, order lords are shitty lol.

_________________
king of the run on sentence.

Jeez, this is a funny post in off-topic... it takes a special grade of LOSER to turn it into a flame war. Congratulations to those of you involved - you succeeded in making that grade.

It has also not escaped my attention that...certain... individuals (irrespective of whether they still play or not) seem to be only using their forum accounts for trolling, and not to contribute anything *useful*.

If trolling persists then I will simply forum and IP ban these individuals; and your guild, previous tenure or contribution to the shard will not be a factor in preventing this from happening.

Please, just be civil to one another. It's really not that difficult.

_________________
Thassius
"Blessed are the noobs, for they shall inherit Obsidian" - Thassius

_________________
king of the run on sentence.

chips LL wrote:Next time I argue with a forum administrator warning I will have my forum account suspended. If I do not wish to be referred to as a loser I will not engage in flame wars to the detriment of the other players who use our forums.

Well said Chips

don't get why my post was changed. simply said, if you don't want people to flame, don't flame your self.
I r so the E loser for that

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king of the run on sentence.